Under His Wings

Well, apparently, somebody forgot to tell life that I had a plan in the first place.

And let me tell you, I would’ve appreciated a little advance notice!

I don’t think any of us really expect our lives to turn out exactly the way we imagined. We know there will be bumps in the road, unexpected detours, and probably a few potholes along the way.

But sometimes life doesn’t just take a detour.

Sometimes it takes the whole road out from underneath you.

And suddenly, you’re trying to figure out how to navigate a world that looks nothing like the one you knew.

For me, that change came through serious health challenges, brain surgeries, and a stroke that left my life looking very different from what it once did.

Since 2021, I’ve spent most of my life confined to bed. And when I say that changed everything, I mean everything.

The things I used to do without a second thought became things I could no longer do on my own. My routines changed. My independence changed. My relationships changed.

And somewhere in the middle of all those changes, I found myself wondering what had happened to the person I used to be.

Because here’s something people don’t always talk about when life changes dramatically.

You don’t just grieve the things you’ve lost. Sometimes you grieve the version of yourself you used to know.

You miss the ordinary things.

The freedom to get up and go somewhere whenever you feel like it. The ability to make plans without having to figure out how you’re going to manage them. The little everyday moments most people probably never think twice about. Those same things I never had to think twice about before.

And then there are the bigger losses.

People you love. Relationships that change. Friendships that fade. Dreams you thought you’d have more time to chase.

Some losses come with funerals and sympathy cards.

Others happen so quietly that nobody even realizes you’re grieving.

And both kinds hurt.

Now, before you start thinking this is going to be one long, sad story, let me tell you something else about me.

I still laugh.

I still have opinions. Plenty of them. Just ask anybody who’s ever been around me during a football game or a Carolina basketball game.

And I’ve discovered that being stuck in bed does absolutely nothing to improve my patience with referees making terrible calls.

Imagine that. 😂

I still enjoy being creative. I love learning new things, working on projects, studying Scripture, and finding ways to make something meaningful out of the days I’m given.

Some days I’m full of ideas and ready to take on the world.

Other days, getting through the day is enough.

And I’ve had to learn that both kinds of days have value.

But I won’t pretend I’ve mastered any of this.

There are days when I miss my old life so much it hurts. Days when frustration gets the better of me. Days when I wonder why things happened the way they did.

And yes, there have been days when I’ve asked God some pretty difficult questions.

Because faith doesn’t mean we never struggle.

It doesn’t mean we don’t get angry, discouraged, or exhausted.

And it certainly doesn’t mean we have to put on a happy face and pretend everything is wonderful.

One of the things I love about Scripture is that it doesn’t hide the struggles of people who loved God.

David cried out in the Psalms. Job questioned his suffering. Even people with deep faith experienced moments of heartbreak, confusion, and despair.

Their struggles weren’t erased from the Bible.

And I find comfort in that.

God doesn’t ask me to pretend my life is easy. He invites me to trust Him in the middle of the hard parts.

That’s not always easy, either.

But I’m learning.

I’m learning that purpose doesn’t have to look the way it used to.

I’m learning that I can miss the life I had and still appreciate the blessings I have now.

I’m learning that sometimes the smallest things bring the greatest joy.

A conversation with a friend. A good laugh. A new idea. A Scripture that speaks to my heart at exactly the right moment.

And yes, occasionally an unexpected little victory that makes me want to celebrate like I just won the Super Bowl (or my Fantasy Football League).

Don’t judge me. We take our victories where we can get them around here! 😂

Starting this blog is one of those new beginnings.

It’s something I can do right where I am, sharing the things I love, the lessons I’m learning, and the thoughts that sometimes keep me awake at night.

I don’t know exactly where it will lead.

But I do know that my story didn’t end when my life changed.

And maybe that’s something somebody else needs to hear today, too.

Just because your life doesn’t look the way you imagined doesn’t mean it no longer has meaning.

You can grieve what was.

You can struggle with what is.

And you can still have hope for what might be.

I’m not going to tell you that everything happens for a reason or that every difficult situation has some wonderful hidden purpose we just haven’t discovered yet.

I don’t have all those answers.

But I do believe that God is still present, even when life makes absolutely no sense.

And I believe there’s still grace for the journey, even when the road looks nothing like the one we planned to travel.

So here I am.

Still learning. Still laughing. Still occasionally arguing with my television over a good ball game.

And still finding my way under His wings.

With faith, a little sass, and a whole lot of grace,

Michelle 💜